A bit of writing to clear my mind

Tonight is one of those nights where i'm totally stressed out for no apparent reason. There are a lot of little things i could blame it on, but i know that there really is no reason. I'm a person that's prone to depression and anxiety so when things get hectic or hard, i tend to either get really depressed or really anxious. And for some reason tonight it has gone to the anxious side.

Whatever the reason, i have finally reached the point in my life where i know how to deal with it. Instead of pushing myself to act as though nothing is wrong until i can't stand it anymore, i am able to admit that i'm feeling anxious. I admit that i can't handle anything more at the moment. I lit a candle; sat down with my computer, some dinner, and a glass of wine; and began to write without thinking about it first.

The past week or so has been stressful. School is busy with the students trying to bring their grades up before the end of the semester, not to mention the art club and student government that i'm trying to keep going. The apartment is messy with things that we're trying to accomplish - addressing Christmas cards, wrapping Christmas presents, keeping track of bills and receipts - and while we try to keep up with it, i'm not good at cleaning. I tend to let things go too long to the point where everything seems to be a mess. I haven't been feeling well, trying to fend off the sicknesses that have been going around. I feel unhealthy because i haven't taken the time to work out for over a week. And the worst part is that i end up taking all of these things out on Andrew because he's the one that's always around and i know that i can do that because he loves me and he'll still love me if i take things out on him. I've been trying to avoid doing that, but the more he tries to help, the more time and space i feel like i need to myself...

Which brings up another point. I've been pulling away from people because i feel that i don't have control of myself and i have to have that before i can deal with other people. So if i've let you down by not talking to you or responding to you, i'm sorry. It'll take me a few more days, probably until Thanksgiving when i can have a few days off to rest and relax, but i'll be back to normal soon.

Why I hate Comcast

Here's the email we just sent Comcast:

We recieved a letter stating that the cost of our services (cable and internet) would not go up more than $10 a service. On our next bill, the internet went up $10, but the cable went up $30. The bill after that went up an additional $3.

My husband called 1-800-COMCAST and they couldn't explain what was going on with the billing. When he asked for further explination, he was immediately transferred to the cancellation department.

Then he chatted with a representative on your website who told him to take a copy of the letter to our local Comcast branch.

We have since visited our local Comcast branch twice. The first time we brought a copy of the letter and were told that a manager would call us the next day. We did not recieve a call at all. The second time we brought another copy of the letter and were told that a manager would call us within the week. When we explained that a manager did not call us the last time we visited the branch and asked for a direct phone number or email address we were told that they could not give those out.

We finally recieved a call from the manager, the Monday after our second visit to the local branch. She left a voicemail explaining that she was out of town often, but was at her desk at that moment and we could call her back then. When we returned her call, we reached her voicemail and left a message. We have since left two messages explaining our problem with our bill and asking her to call us. We have not recieved a call from the manager.

At this point, we have spent almost two months trying to get our questions about the bill answered. We have paid two bill with rates we feel are incorrect, so as not to be charged additional late fees.

The company credo states that "Comcast will deliver a superior experience to our customers every day" and that "we will offer the most customer-friendly and reliable service in the market." Your company and the representatives are not living up to your claim.

We have spent two months doing everything we can think of to do to have our questions about our billing answered. We have called 1-800-COMCAST, chatted on the website, visited the local branch in person, and called the local branch. We need you to tell us how to have our questions addressed.

An Etsy shop opening

Oops! And i completely forgot to mention that my mom opened an Etsy shop! Right now she's focusing on pins and ornaments for Christmas, but if you know my mom at all, you know she'll be adding all kinds of other artsy things once Christmas is over. Please check it out!

Goal update

Review of October goals

1. Finish writing thank you notes. Check!
2. Put away the rest of the wedding gifts. We still have a pile, but it's slowly diminishing. And we did put away our new Pyrex that's been sitting in the kitchen for weeks.
3. Get my clothes for colder weather out and put my clothes for warm weather away. Check!
4. Work out at least twice a week (I've gotta start somewhere right?) I only accomplished this for two out of the four weeks, but i'm going to work on it, especially now that the holidays are getting closer and closer.
5. Drink at least eight glasses of water a day. I bought a new water bottle and i've been drinking a bunch more water.

November goals

1. Drink at least eight glasses of water a day.
2. Work out at least three times a week.
3. Spend less time with technology. I'm going to attempt to limit myself to the shows i actually watch. If i am going to watch meaningless television, i have to be working out while watching.
4. Organize the apartment, specifically by putting away the rest of the wedding gifts and organizing the storage area and the guest room closet.
5. Go through all of the wedding pictures. Print out some and frame them for us and for others who we'll give them to as gifts. Also, keep working on my scrapbook of the engagement and wedding.

Living good stories

This week we celebrated Halloween at school. As part of that celebration, we had a Halloween dance on Thursday night. We spent most of the afternoon decorating so that the room looked creepy. We had one of the teachers who DJs on the weekend bring his equipment and DJ the dance. We had parents donate food and drinks. The dance turned out great. All of the students seemed to be having a good time, but i kept noticing something: even though they were hanging out with their friends, dancing, eating, and drinking, the students kept checking their cell phones about every five minutes. The thought that kept running through my head was "Really? You can't get off your phone for the two hours that the dance lasts?"

I was thinking about this at the dance and even into today when i read a line in the book i'm reading that said:

Most Americans aren't living very good stories. It's not our fault, I don't think. We are suckered into it. We are brainwashed, I think.

And i think that's the problem. We're to the point where we're getting so caught up in the things we have that we forget to experience the life we're living.

• We worry about who could have called or texted us because what if something more exciting is happening somewhere else that we could be a part of? Not that we'd actually leave wherever we are or whatever to do it to go to that more exciting thing. It's so much better to experience it through another person's texts, right?
• We worry about our ipods being charged because we need to have songs constantly playing. I'm more and more amazed at the number of students who claim they "can't work without having their ipod on." They complain that it's too quiet. Really?
• We worry about checking and responding to all of the emails we receive when half of the people who email us aren't people or companies we would bother talking to in person for more than a minute or two.

And, yes, i understand the irony of this post since i'm typing it on my laptop to post on my blog on the internet for people (some of whom i've never actually met) to read, but i do think that there are good things that can come from the technology around us. But we have to use it carefully. I love having a blog and being able to read what other people are thinking and writing about. I love connecting with people i wouldn't have a chance to connect with otherwise, but i do try to keep it in check, which i haven't been doing a good job of lately. It's just so easy to sit in front of the television or computer and space out. Before you know it, you've gone an hour or two without thinking about anything other than whatever's on the screen. It's easy to text people instead of calling them because then you don't have to make excuses to get off the phone if the conversation is going too long. It's easy to do a lot of things, but that doesn't always make it better.

So this week i'm going to work on actually living my life. I'm going to turn off the television and finish the book i'm reading. I'm going to spend time talking to people , or better yet actually seeing people, instead of texting them. I'm going to read and respond to the important emails and delete the ones that aren't worth my time. I'm going to read the blogs i'm interested in, but skip over the ones i'm reading just to get them off of my list. I'm going to think about the story i want to be telling with my life and work on making it a better one.

Success is...

There are many days when I wake up and head out into the world, pursuing a destination that I have yet to define—and I am certain I’m not the only one.

Will our lives change if we define success for ourselves? Will new opportunities arise? Will we associate with different people? Will we be happier? Will the sun shine brighter?

I am almost certain the answer is yes to all of the above—and I am eager to map out my own definition.

Taken from this blog.

After reading this earlier today, i was inspired to write out my own definition of success, but i think i'll take a day or two to think about it before making an attempt.

A good fall break. I spent time with my husband and my cats. I finished reading one book and started another. I baked, cleaned, did laundry, all of which made me feel very much like a housewife. In the process of changing my email address, i managed to reconnect with a friend from high school and my student-teaching teacher.

"You get the feeling that's all God really wants from us, to live inside a body he made and enjoy the story and bond with us through experiences." -from A Million Miles in a Thousand Year: What I Learned from Editing my Life by Donald Miller