Sunday, September 28

Wedding and bridesmaids' dress shopping

Yesterday i went to Cincinnati to look at bridesmaids' dresses with Emma. It ended up being a really productive day. We picked the designer, material, and colors for the bridesmaids' dresses. We also picked the style of my dress and ordered that.

But even more exciting than that, Emma bought her wedding dress yesterday!!! I was so glad that i got to be there when she found THE ONE, especially because i hadn't had a chance to go dress shopping with her yet. It fits her perfectly and ties into her colors. It's gorgeous!

Yay! I'm so happy that i get to be a part of her wedding and to see her so happy!

This is SO my kind of quiz!!!

You Are a Comma
You are open minded and extremely optimistic.
You enjoy almost all facets of life. You can find the good in almost anything.

You keep yourself busy with tons of friends, activities, and interests.
You find it hard to turn down an opportunity, even if you are pressed for time.

Your friends find you fascinating, charming, and easy to talk to.
(But with so many competing interests, you friends do feel like you hardly have time for them.)

You excel in: Inspiring people

You get along best with: The Question Mark

Sunday, September 21

Wonderful weekend

This weekend has been busy, but good. On Friday i went and worked out since i have to start doing more cardio according to my trainer. Then Andy and i spent some date time together, which we haven't done in a while. I love getting dressed up and spending time with Andy. We treated ourselves to dinner at Carrabba's. Mmm... We were being really good and weren't going to get dessert but they have those new tiny desserts that come in shot glasses. It's hard to say you don't have room for that since it's so tiny;)

On Saturday i cleaned my apartment, went to Goodwill because they were having a 50% off sale, and then worked out again. This time i had to lift weights, which was so weird since the only other people in that part of the gym were two guys who look like they weightlift for a living. Just a little intimidating. But i got through it so it's okay. Then Andy and i went over to my parents to see Sarah who was home for the weekend. The three of us and my mom went to the Children's Museum. I haven't been there in YEARS and it was so much fun. The Chihuly glass piece that they have there was probably the best part, especially the glass ceiling on the bottom floor where you can lay on a rotating piece of furniture and look at all of the handblown glass pieces there. Way cool.

And today has been all churchy, starting with Sunday school with Bill and then continuing with a bridal shower for Chris. I got to talk to a bunch of people i don't usually have time to talk to so that was really, really nice.

Overall, i had a great weekend. But now i'm annoyed because the people who moved in cattycorner (how do you spell that word???) from me are being loud. Argh. I hate is having neighbors who are loud enough that i can't have my windows open without listening to every word they're saying, especially since the weather's still nice.

Monday, September 15

So, in all honesty...

...i've been feeling my depression coming back bit by bit and last week made it clear that, despite my best efforts, it's back.

I never realize how bad it is until i'm in the middle of it again. I finally realized that i'm in the middle of it yesterday because it was the first day in about a week where i haven't cried. It sounds bad, and believe me it's not something i want to go back to, but i know i've gotten through it before so i can get through it again.

I think the hardest thing has been having Andy around because he hasn't really been around me before when i've been depressed for long periods of time. He does a wonderful job of helping me, especially when it's hard for him to understand since it's hard for me to explain. I can only begin to imagine how frustrating it has to be to be around me when i can't explain anything more than what i'm feeling without any idea of why i'm feeling that.

At this point it's something that comes and goes. Most of the time i'm fine, but then every once in a while one thing goes wrong and it seems to snowball until it feels like everything goes wrong, even though it's only a feeling, not a reality. It always ends up feeling like a reality.

So why am i writing all of this? Because my biggest problem with my depression has always been that i don't think that the people around me can handle it. I don't think they're going to want to be around me when i deal with this. I don't think they're goign to want to be around me if they know i even deal with this. I end up feeling like it's my fault. Like it's something that i somehow chose, so i have to hide it because i don't want other people to have to deal with what i deal with. It's hard for me to be honest about it and to not feel like i have to hide it. So this is me not hiding it. This is me being honest about it so that i can realize that it's simply something i have to deal with and that no one is going to blame me for having to deal with it. So that's it.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Saturday, September 13

The Waitress

So i finally watched the movie Waitress, which i've been meaning to watch for a long time now. It was different but so cute and funny, definitely worth watching. And to tempt you into watching it, here are a few of my favorite quotes from it:
  • Dr. Pomatter: So, what seems to be the problem? Jenna: I seem to be pregnant Dr. Pomatter: Congratulations! Jenna: Thanks, but I'm not so happy about it like everybody else might be. I'm having the baby and that's that.
  • Dr. Pomatter: Un-congratulations, you're definitely having a baby. Jenna: Un-thank you.
  • Dr. Pomatter: I want to talk to you, somewhere outside of here. Maybe we can have a coffee or something? Jenna: I can't have coffee, it's on the bad food list you gave to me. What kind of doctor are you?
  • Jenna: Dear Baby, I hope someday somebody wants to hold you for 20 minutes straight and that's all they do. They don't pull away. They don't look at your face. They don't try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight, without an ounce of selfishness in it.
  • Jenna: Dr. Pomatter? Dr. Pomatter: Yes, Jenna? Jenna: I just want to make sure we're clear about one thing. Dr. Pomatter: What's that, Jenna? Jenna: I want drugs. I want massive amounts of drugs. I want the maximum legal limit of drugs. Dr. Pomatter: Noted and understood.

Monday, September 8

The finished book list!

So, i stayed up WAY late working on my book list for the $8,000 grant that the Rotary Club is working on for me. Do you have any idea how many books you can get with that much money!?! I kept adding books and totalling them up and still having thousands of dollars left, so it definitely took longer than i was planning on. I finally finished around 1 in the morning and emailed myself the final list so i could print it out at school. Then this morning i got to school and realized...i sent myself the wrong list! Luckily, my mom wasn't busy this morning so i called her and she went to my apartment and got my laptop. (I would of had her just email the list to me, but she's not quite that computer literate yet, even though she's much better than she used to be.)

I had a rough week last week, simply because i was stressed and tired most of the time, but this week is looking to be much better. I spent a bunch of time over the weekend cleaning my apartment and rearranging some of the furniture so now my apartment is (most of the way) clean and looks much more spacious. It's amazing how much room i have now that i got rid of my papasan chair that i bought from craigslist sometime last year.

Other things random things you might want to know:

  • I'm in charge of the yearbook at school since no one else would do it
  • I'm also in charge of student government, but i actually get a stipend for that so it should be worth it. Besides, it's sure to be interesting since i've never been involved wtih student government at all.
  • I'm going to finish One Red Paperclip tonight. It's a quick read and pretty entertaining. It's cool to think that this guy went from a red paperclip to a house simply by trading things with people.
  • I've been getting compliments on my teaching ability from Babby (the principal) and Debi (the social worker) which is awesome since it's not like the kids are gonna tell me that i'm doing a good job, though one of my favorites did say today that he looks forward to coming to my classes. Yay!

"The attitude we take in our approach to life literally defines our days. For even though we may go through seasons of difficulties, those with a positive attitude will always end up stronger and more resilient. Could the reason the red paperclip story has captivated so many people be that we resonate with daring greatly? We may have grown weary but we still want to live significant lives. It's here that our celebrated Western individualism has tripped us up. Thinking we have to go it alone and just be strong, we have forgotten one vital component.
MacDonald could never have got that house without people who were willing to be part of his journey and cheer him on.
Like MacDonald, each of us needs people who can be a source of strenght and encouragement. Similarly, we have the privilege of being that for others.
Life's too short to be mean-spirited. Thos who encourage others often find that they themselves are bolstered.
A few kind words or a simple act of generosity can be all someone needs to spur them onwards.
We can live passionately and greatly. We need courage to dream big, determination to stay positive and people who will encourage us.
And every so often, we just need to remember how a bloke from Canada turned a red paperclip into a house." -Ruth Limkin, Brisbane, Australia

Tuesday, September 2

Working out worked!

For some reason, i was really stressed out over the three day weekend. I know. It's the weekend. I'm not supposed to be stressed. But i was doing a lot of things that, although they were fun, also meant i didn't have a lot of time to relax. To add to that, every time i went to sleep i was having really vivid dreams about school where i would be totally stressed out, even in my dreams!!!

School today was a little better because at least i was getting back into the grind, but by the end of the day i was exhausted and frustrated with some of my students. As cliche as it sounds, it all got better after i worked out! I wasn't even sure that i wanted to go to they gym today. I figured maybe it would be a better use of my time to sleep, but i didn't want to stand my trainer up, especially because i did that last week... Whoops! But i went and felt so energized that i actually spent 25 minutes on the elliptical after i worked out with my trainer.

I know that it doesn't really sound like a big thing, but it totally was for me because i've been so stressed and tense and i was finally able to relax tonight. Yay!