Warning: This post contains language that may not be suitable for those who are easily offended. It does express my feelings at the moment.

Image originally posted on Around the Bend

Two things.

Two things.

The first thing has to do with a discussion i overheard about the idea of blogging. One person asked another, "Do you have a blog?" And that person replied, "No. If i want to write something, i journal about it. Why would i want everyone else to read it?" So the basic point of the discussion was: what is the point of blogging??? It's a simple question, but it got me thinking. Why do i blog?

To me, blogging is completely different from journaling. When i journal, which i haven't done for quite a while, it's for my own benefit. It's to get ideas out, mostly when i'm frustrated or confused. But i haven't been doing that for a while because i am spending a lot less time by myself, so a lot of the emotions i would get out by journaling about them are gotten out by talking to Andrew about them, which i honestly don't think is a bad thing. It makes me closer to him because he knows more about me and because i have less time to overanalyze my thoughts. Instead of getting stuck on one thought or emotion, i am forced to work through them and move on, which is ultimately much better for me.

When i blog, it's to share things i'm thinking about, articles i found interesting, or to get feedback from the few people that actually read my blog. And while i think that i'm interesting enough and have some interesting things to say, i don't know if it's enough that i need to have a blog to say what i want to say. Basically, i don't have any answers to this question, but i did think it was an interesting thing to think about. Anyone else want to join the discussion?

The second thing is that i want to share something i read today about pre-wedding nerves. I honestly am not nervous about the wedding at this point. I know that i want to marry Andrew and i think the fact that we're already living together has made that much more clear since we've already established a life together. I admit things were not perfect when we first moved in together, but i'm really glad that we were able to work through those things before the wedding. I know that i'll probably be nervous as we get closer to the wedding and i like the things that this writer points out about those nerves.

However, the thing to remember is that clinging to a routine and habit is a grasp at the familiar and safe, and few people have discovered true happiness without putting themselves out there and taking a leap of faith. And remember, getting married isn’t a risk as long as you really know and love the person you’re marrying. I would bet that your sig other is probably the person you adore most on this planet, and they’re not a scary person (unless they’re a trained assassin or something, and then you have a whole other set of issues that we don’t have time to discuss here). In fact, they’re the opposite; they want to bring you happiness, comfort, joy and all those other great, mushy feelings. I guess what I’m saying here is, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Nuf said.

The second reason people get a bit shaky about the future is they start thinking about all the “what ifs,” many of which aren’t even based in reality. What if my husband gets terminally ill? What if my wife has stroke and I can’t cope with it? What if he cheats on me (even though he’s never, ever shown anything that would even remotely make you suspicious)? What if we hit upon a problem (often money-related) that drives us apart? To be honest, you can “what if” yourself into the ground for practically anything, but when it comes to a commitment for the rest of your life, the supply of “what ifs” is infinite. Which is why this line of inquiry can only lead down a dark road. You can never prepare for anything and everything that marriage will throw at you. But you can pick the partner who you know will be the perfect companion to help you face all those “what ifs.” So before you start asking all those questions, ask yourself if this is the best person to help you face all the “what ifs” that may come up. Chances are the answer is “yes.”

Originally posted by Jeff on Bridelines

Wedding countdown

And in case the last post left you wondering, there are 51 days left til the wedding.

P-Y-O-C-A

Yesterday afternoon, Andrew and I headed to one of my favorite places in the world: Camp Pyoca! My family has a long history with the camp because my parents have been running Orchard Park's week of camp there for fifteen years! My siblings and i have all been campers and then counselors. And my little sister is spending the whole summer working as a couselor there. So obviously, it was important to me that Andrew saw this part of my life. He walked into a lot of history, handled it well, and seemed to like it, even if he wasn't sure what to think about everything. The thing that made me the happiest? On our way home, he said that "He hoped when we were my parent's age that we have something like camp that we enjoy doing together everyday." I'm so glad that he could see how important camp is to me and my family!

And on a side note, i was talking to the director of the camp while i was there and he seemed appalled that i couldn't tell him the exact number of days until our wedding. Seriously? I'm supposed to be that focused on this? I know that a lot of people are into their wedding day countdowns, but i know that i'll get everything done and i'm not worried about it. I figure i'd rather enjoy my time now instead of counting down every day as "just one day closer to my wedding day." Don't get me wrong, i'm really excited to marry Andrew and i'm sure it'll be a fabulous day, but it's not the only thing i'm focused on.

Best beach reads

NPR is asking you to help decide on the best beach reads. They give you a list of books and ask you to pick your top 10, which is not an easy task! It took me a while because there were a lot of excellent books on the list, but i finally ended up choosing:

• The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver
• Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
• Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner
• The Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling
• The History of Love by Nicole Krauss
• The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
• Nine Stories by J.D. Salinger
• Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
• The Red Tent by Anita Diament
• Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

I think these are all good reads for summer since you want something light and fun, but you also have more time to tackle some fo those big books that you might have on your reading list but never have time to get to like Gone with the Wind or Pride and Prejudice.

One of my former students has cancer again. She was in remission for the year that i taught her and came to Options because she had missed too much school to attend a regular high school. But i just learned through facebook that her cancer is back and terminal.

Do i have any relationship with this student anymore? No. I only taught her for a year, but the fact that she's a year younger than my little sister and discussing if she'll have time to complete her bucket list and how her parent's and brother will deal with her passing tears me up inside. She has been brave and determined and fighting hard, but now she knows that it's almost done and is facing it with such grace. She is an amazing example to those around her and i pray that she gets to experience everything she wants to.

If you would like to help her accomplish the things on her bucket list, go to her etsy store and purchase some of her jewelry.

Emma and Nate are married!!!

And the thing i loved the most about the wedding was seeing how happy they were. The whole day they were both so relaxed and happy and they couldn't take their eyes off of each other, which was so cute. Even though there were things that didn't go as planned - who would have thought that it would be pouring down rain and only about 65 degrees on the 4th of July!?! - they focused on their love for each other and nothing else mattered. I can only hope that things go that well for my own wedding.

It's such a funny thing, this summer completely chock-full of weddings. Who would have thought that so many of us would get married in the same summer? I actually love that we're all going through this together because we get to plan together and experience it all together. I loved being a part of Emma's wedding and am so thrilled for her to be a part of mine, which by the way is approaching pretty quickly...we only have 67 days left!

We have finished several wedding projects in the past few weeks and are working on a few more:

invitations - check!

card box - check!

guestbook - check!

pens for the guestbook - check!

vases for the flowers - check!

candleholder for the altar - check!

my necklace - check!

Andrew's tux - check!

alterations on my dress - in progress

centerpieces - in progress

rehearsal dinner guest list - check!

rehearsal dinner invites - haven't started

rehearsal dinner menu - in progress

groomsmen gifts - in progress

bridesmaid's gifts - in progress

vows - in progress

music - in progress